Making friends is a fundamental part of growing up. Friendships increase your sense of belonging, boost your happiness, and help reduce stress. They can have a huge impact on mental and physical health and are a key learning tool for kids as they navigate others’ viewpoints, learn proper conversation, and cultivate habits like sharing and taking turns. Making and keeping friends requires skills such as conversing, listening, and being empathetic. These skills don’t always come naturally to kids with ADHD. If you notice your child is having trouble with friendship, here are 7 tips for how to make friends with ADHD.
What Is ADHD?
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a common neurodevelopmental disorder that affects attention, the ability to sit still, and self control. It typically appears in early childhood and makes it difficult for children to control their spontaneous responses (from movement to speech to attentiveness). It’s normal for little kids to be distracted, restless and impatient, but for kids with ADHD, challenges can be more difficult to overcome. They struggle with social interaction a lot more than kids without ADHD, making it challenging for them to make and keep friends.
8 ADHD Symptoms that Impact Friendships
- Issues paying attention or listening
- Being loud and unable to play quietly
- Interrupting conversations
- Blurting out rude comments
- Invading personal space
- Being greedy/not wanting to share
- Acting bossy and controlling, especially during play time
- Not noticing other people’s feelings
How to Make Friends with ADHD: 7 Tips for Kids
1. Help Them Discover What’s Going Wrong
Children with ADHD often don’t realize how they’re perceived by their peers and continue behaving in “inappropriate” ways. When they’re upset by a social interaction, help them out by discussing what went wrong, why it happened, and what they can do differently next time. Make sure that it’s an overall positive conversation and really try to help them to understand rather than criticizing them. You can also watch your child in social interactions to see what’s going on and how you can help.
2. Plan Structured Play Dates
Planning structured play dates can be really beneficial for kids with ADHD. Before the play date starts, it’s important to discuss how guests should be treated in your home and talk about what it means to be a good host. Have your child pick out a few games in advance but tell them they should let their guest choose which game they want to play. Since kids with ADHD often neglect social cues, try to get your child to notice if their guest starts to look bored. Are they smiling? Laughing? Or do they look uninterested? Structured play dates should be kept short and you can discuss how it went after, focusing on the good things your child did.
3. Set Up Play Dates with Younger Kids
Sometimes it’s easier for kids with ADHD to get along with younger kids. They tend to feel less pressure around them and won’t be as embarrassed practicing social skills. It can help build their confidence and self-esteem. Although it’s important to work on developing age-appropriate social skills, it’s also necessary to have positive friendship experiences whenever possible.
4. Join Structured Activities
Structured activities like sports, theatre or dance are really great places for kids to make friends. If they’re having trouble fitting in at school, extra-curricular activities can be a great way to meet other kids who have similar interests. It’s important to help your child figure out their interests and what brings them joy. An activity like team sports can help your child realize that not everything is about them and will show them how to work together with others as a team. This can overflow into their social lives and help them develop healthy friendships outside of the activity too.
5. Praise Your Child For Things They Do Well
It’s important to recognize when your child has positive interactions and displays skills like resiliency, flexibility and wanting to try new things with others. Try to recognize and praise social behaviours that would help other kids feel comfortable around them. For example, you can say things like “I noticed that you changed the game when you realize your friend wasn’t having fun. That was great.” or “It was great to see you agree to play baseball with your classmate, even though you don’t love it. It showed that you like hanging out with them”. This can help them foster social skills and make friends more easily.
6. Play Turn-Taking Games
Kids with ADHD often aren’t the best with taking turns, so playing turn-taking games together can help them develop this skill and bring it to their social interactions. You can start with simple games like I Spy or Connect 4 and work up to card or board games. You can also try colouring a picture together. You colour a section, then they colour a section and use prompts like “your turn”, “my turn”. This is a great way for them to practice and get better.
7. Encourage Good Social Skills
To help kids learn and internalize good social skills, it’s helpful to work on them at home. If your child often interrupts at home, you can use that as a teaching moment and remind them that it’s rude. Role-playing is another good way for parents to boost social skills. You can practice having back-and-forth conversations and help them with what to say if they see a classmate they want to play with at recess. You can also have discussions about friendship and what it means to be a good friend. Children’s books and TV shows that talk about friendship are also great tools.
It can be challenging for kids with ADHD to make and keep friends, but these tips can help.
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