Kirstie’s story inspired a lot of folks nostalgically recalling their own youthful travels. But then, as dusk must follow dawn, the trolls followed the fans: He’s too young, the Twitterverse spat. Anything could have happened! The world is unsafe and so is Kirstie Allsopp!
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Well, I guess that depends on who you ask. Because here’s the text she got from the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea (RBKC) — her local Child Protective Services:
The social worker told Kirstie that she was obliged, by law, to look into any case that anyone called into the agency.
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Kirstie asked who had made the call. The agency would not say. (Same thing happens here.) Kirstie tried to explain it was probably someone who disapproved from afar and was trying to teach her a lesson. (Like this case.) The agency said that didn’t matter. It added that Kirstie’s file would remain open and that it was “standard practice” for a case to remain open till the child turned 25.
That’s quite a long definition of “child.”
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So here’s the deal: We all know Child Protective Services agencies exist for a reason. Their job is to protect children from serious neglect and abuse.
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Not from parents allowing their kids to do things on their own that they know their kids can handle — including the bumps that of course are part of any trip. A parents’ job is not to make sure their kids never encounter any challenges. Ideally, it is to make sure they can handle them. “Prepare your child for the path…not the path for your child.”
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The problem in this case is not only the blood sport of mom-blaming in our culture. It’s also that the government is given no freedom to err on the side of common sense. They are obligated to be obtuse. So perhaps all we need to do is fight fire with fire: If the goal of Child Protective Services is to keep kids safe, let’s at least put children’s mental health on one side of the scale. Yes, a child on a train trip might get lost, or fall on a cobblestone, or even (as her son almost was) get pickpocketed.
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Kirstie herself admits she said no, when her son first proposed the trip. But then she thought about it more and realized he was ready for this adventure, and that it was her job as a GOOD parent to safeguard his confidence, self-respect, development and joy in life BY LETTING HIM GO.
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So I salute Kirstie for growing, too, and for embodying the Let Grow motto, “When adults step back, kids step up.” And for pushing back on a culture that allows outsiders too much sway over the everyday decisions of decent parents. As she so pithily put it: “It’s up to parents to decide who is or isn’t grown up enough to start spreading their wings.”
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Your state could be next!
And Kirstie — maybe it’s time for a law like this in your country, too?
