It’s summer as I write this and your face has blossomed with the freckles you adore so much. With each new ones arrival you cheer with glee. You wish you had more. At this moment in time you are the second tallest person in the class. And you wear this as a badge of honour. Regularly repeating the fact to me on the way home from school. Your legs are long, you’re not bothered if you run out the house with a bed head full of wild hair. Frustratingly you’re happy to wear your grubby muddy garden shoes to the shops. Even though I would rather they stayed in the box by the back door. You are glorious.
But it makes me sad. Because as you grow up. You may decide you want make up to cover your freckles. You may slouch as you would rather be petite like some of your friends and your long legs aren’t quite as voluptuous as you want them to be. As women we are conditioned to believe that we are never quite as pretty as we think we should be. I look back to when I was 18. I was four stone lighter than I am now. I didn’t need to wear a bra I was so slim. A boyfriend once told me he loved “my squidgy belly”. So each night before I went to bed I would do 100’s of sit ups to try to get rid of it.
I want you to know if you are reading this when you are a teenager that you are wonderful just the way you are. I’m overweight. My leg doesn’t work properly. My body is covered in stretch-marks and scars. But the scars are health battles I overcame to make me stronger. And my stretch-marks are lines to remind me of when I housed you and your brother in my squidgy belly. I can walk with my head held high knowing that my body has helped me get through the best of times. As well as carried me through the worst of times. It houses my brain full of ideas and wonderful memories and my heart which is full to the brim of love for you.
I am going to try my hardest to navigate you through the next few years. To build you up to focus on what’s truly important. The knowledge you hold in your head and the kindness you hold in your heart. Sometimes I get frustrated with what you want to wear. Thinking of ways to make your outfit ‘look better’. But how can any outfit top one you chose with such care that represents your personality and sense of style effortlessly. When you are running around the park in your grubby muddy garden shoes. I never even notice as I’m too focused on your smile.
Never change my love. Hold your head up high. Embrace each freckle as you did when you were eight. As each one represents a day in the sun where we laughed and sang and jumped. You ran on those beautiful long legs and climbed up to the highest branches the only way the second tallest person in your class could.
Love you forever. You beautiful creature.
Mummy xxx
