They say you’re never really done parenting, and some grandparents certainly take that to heart. It can be great to have an extra set of hands around to help, but as a parent, you want to do things your way — a sentiment that’s often not totally understood by Grandma and Grandpa.
Mom and parenting influencer Paige Connell, @sheisapaigeturner, shared to Instagram Reels her friend’s intergenerational frustration. While her friend tried to set rules and boundaries for interacting with her kids, the grandparents just simply don’t respect them, for a reason I’m sure parents will find too familiar.
“Her mom said, ‘Hey, I was a parent. I parented three kids. I know what I’m doing, you act like I’ve never been a parent before and like everything I know doesn’t matter,’” Connell explained.
Did anyone’s eye twitch a little? Yeah, I’m sure everyone’s tired of hearing it.
Thankfully, Connell shared her perspective on the issue, explaining it in a way that will maybe — just maybe — get through to your beloved boomer parents.
“If you’re a grandparent, you probably haven’t been an active parent for 15 to 20 years,” she said. “If I were to leave the workforce for 15 to 20 years, many things would change. Maybe the overall idea of the job would be the same, but probably not, and every single thing required to do that job would have changed, which is exactly what happens with parenting, right?”
Okay, we’re listening.
“We know more now,” Connell continued. “There’s more information than ever. We parent differently because we’ve learned a lot in the last 15 to 20 years. And so even if you did the job for 20 years and you were an amazing mom and you were so so good, a lot changes in 15 to 20 years, and I think that is what Boomer grandparents are missing.”
Connell is careful to point out that this does not necessarily mean Grandma or Grandpa did anything wrong when they were raising you (something you should probably be sure to really drive home if you want this conversation to go well). There’s just so much more info out their now, and you’re the one who’s up-to-date with all of it.
“We’re asking you to respect our boundaries and to listen to us, because we are the active parents right now. We are the people who are getting the safety recalls on products. We are the people talking to the pediatricians. We are the people actively parenting and so we know what is best for our children,” she explained.
Many parents in the comments shared similar grandparent frustrations.
“I never understand why grandparents are so keen to trample over boundaries,” one said.
“I think there’s also a component of our parents never fully accepting us as their peers in adulthood,” another responded. “Having boundaries is normal in almost every setting except grown child + parent. Let’s normalize that.”
“I was there for your parenting. Respectfully, I know where your weaknesses are,” another user joked.
However, some commenters disagreed with Connell, saying that we should appreciate advice from grandparents who’ve been around the block.
“While I agree a lot has changed in the amount of information parents have today, and much of that information is good to know, that doesn’t mean the information grandparents have acquired over generations isn’t valuable,” one said.
“Actually nothing has changed at all except the ability to google everything. Which is so tragic because instead of asking your parents their advice that is like gold, you are asking a cold computer that finds studies by people that have no investment in your family,” another argued.
Look, I’m sure grandparents have a lot of wisdom to share, but maybe they should respect you as a parent? Perhaps? Just a thought!
If you try out this analogy with your overbearing Boomer parents, we’re rooting for you!
