Some days, it can just feel like every word out of your mouth is “stop,” “no,” or “don’t.” It’s not easy to raise kids in their more *ahem* adventurous phases, when it feels like all they do is test your limits. But, one mom offered a language hack that might change the game.
Behavior analyst Jenna Mazzillo, @abanaturally, shared a video to Instagram reels where she explained that those “stop no don’ts” might actually be a part of the problem.
“Here’s the thing about when we use those ‘don’t’ and ‘no’ statements. We’re never telling our children what they should be doing. What should they be doing instead?” she said. “Additionally, we’re just drawing attention to the very thing that we don’t want our children to be doing.”
It makes perfect sense. Imagine starting a new job, and every time you started typing in the shared Excel sheet, your manager all-caps messaged you “STOP.” You would probably, fairly, be a little confused about how to proceed!
“So what should we do instead?” Mazzillo continued to explain. “Tell our children exactly what we want them to be doing. Instead of saying, ‘Don’t put your feet on the chair,’ we would want to say, ‘Put your feet down.’ Instead of saying, ‘Don’t talk to me like that,’ tell your child exactly what you want them to say.”
Kids learn so much so quickly, it’s easy to forget what they might not know. Using positive language gives your kid some grace. Maybe they’re not trying to ruin your day by demanding things in a rude way, but they don’t understand why “Juice, now!” is not the most polite way to request a beverage.
“If we want to be crystal clear so that our children understand what we want them to do, then make sure when you’re telling them what to do, you use it in a positive phrase and avoid using those no and don’t statements,” Mazzillo said.
Parents in the comments shared that they found Mazzillo’s method helped quite a bit!
“So true,” one commented. “I told my 22mo not to come into the garage with me and all she hear was come and proceeded to follow me into the garage ”
“your tips have helped me tremendously!!!! thank you so much for being a resource for us parents out here ” said another.
So parents, I’m sure you wish you could remove “no” from your grumpy toddler’s vocabularies, but maybe it’s time to try removing it from yours, too.
